I should have known that when I went back to work I would not be able to keep this up.
What a week!
Mom's been ill. We hope it's just a 72 hour bug but dad can't keep up. Still, mom tried to send the Visiting Angel home on Friday.
Our "spies" visited them yesterday. Dad was calling mom Evelyn and mom was calling our nephew Brian Roger and they were trying to make a phone call on the TV remote.
The family met last night to discuss things. I think we are all battle weary and depressed.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Friday, April 8, 2016
A Tough Patch for the Family
Getting old stinks.
Long life runs on both sides of my family. Dad is the oldest remaining among his siblings and has three living brothers and sisters. Mom is the oldest remaining and has five remaining brothers and sisters.
In the past two weeks we have found out that mom's two brothers are either very seriously ill or under hospice care and dying. And dad's brother was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. That brother's youngest child was also diagnosed with stage four lung cancer.
Apparently, these realities are too much for dad to comprehend. Mom, who is struggling with memory and anxiety and other emotional issues, does understand and seems overwhelmed, which you might expect.
Tough patch--to say the least.
Long life runs on both sides of my family. Dad is the oldest remaining among his siblings and has three living brothers and sisters. Mom is the oldest remaining and has five remaining brothers and sisters.
In the past two weeks we have found out that mom's two brothers are either very seriously ill or under hospice care and dying. And dad's brother was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. That brother's youngest child was also diagnosed with stage four lung cancer.
Apparently, these realities are too much for dad to comprehend. Mom, who is struggling with memory and anxiety and other emotional issues, does understand and seems overwhelmed, which you might expect.
Tough patch--to say the least.
Monday, March 28, 2016
Spies
One thread in our dementia drama is that mom thinks that we are trying to take control of their lives. As a result, we know that she hides things from us.
Fortunately, our niece Stacy and her friend Stephanie, are very close to mom and dad and they visit regularly.
And, mom tells them things she withholds from the rest of us. So, Stacy and Stephanie serve as our spies. The girls visited on Saturday.
Here are some things they learned:
Dad often calls me Robert, the name of my dad's next youngest brother. More disturbingly, mom says that dad sometimes calls her by another name. We don't know what that name is.
Yesterday, he, apparently didn't know who Evie and I were, though he was very happy that those people stopped by to visit and he had a good time.
Fortunately, our niece Stacy and her friend Stephanie, are very close to mom and dad and they visit regularly.
And, mom tells them things she withholds from the rest of us. So, Stacy and Stephanie serve as our spies. The girls visited on Saturday.
Here are some things they learned:
Dad often calls me Robert, the name of my dad's next youngest brother. More disturbingly, mom says that dad sometimes calls her by another name. We don't know what that name is.
Yesterday, he, apparently didn't know who Evie and I were, though he was very happy that those people stopped by to visit and he had a good time.
Thursday, March 24, 2016
Caregiver Burden
One point on the rather complex diagnosis of my mother from the staff of the Alzheimer's and Memory Care Program is "Caregiver Burden."
There is evidence on her MRI of whatever it is that indicates Alzheimer's and of Vascular Dementia, which is dad's primary issue. In addition, there are realities that complicate her struggle including mild depression, anxiety and...caregiver burden.
When she and Evie and I met with the medical doctor who evaluated her, I made the point that her problems have gotten considerably worse as her stress in taking care of dad has increased.
I have to acknowledge that caring for a person with dementia is quite a job. Evie and I do it from a distance, we are twenty years younger and we are stressed.
And, what concerns me, especially for Evie, is how many years there may be ahead of us.
This will be a marathon. I'm not sure we are in shape.
There is evidence on her MRI of whatever it is that indicates Alzheimer's and of Vascular Dementia, which is dad's primary issue. In addition, there are realities that complicate her struggle including mild depression, anxiety and...caregiver burden.
When she and Evie and I met with the medical doctor who evaluated her, I made the point that her problems have gotten considerably worse as her stress in taking care of dad has increased.
I have to acknowledge that caring for a person with dementia is quite a job. Evie and I do it from a distance, we are twenty years younger and we are stressed.
And, what concerns me, especially for Evie, is how many years there may be ahead of us.
This will be a marathon. I'm not sure we are in shape.
Monday, March 21, 2016
Touring Assisted Living...Again
I know that the day will come that I'll look back on these days as the good old days. But even the good old days have their challenges.
When the doctors diagnosed dementia in both mom and dad, the rest of us began to push mom and dad into a commitment to move into the assisted living portion of the facility where they reside.
Prior to that, we kids had already toured it and were pleased with what we saw. And, on the day I broke my wrist, everyone but me went on a tour of the facility with mom and dad present. Word is that they loved it too.
So, after the diagnosis, we told mom and dad that the time had come for them to become serious about the move and they asked if they could at least see it first.
Harrumph.
We asked if they remembered going through it only a few weeks earlier and mom admitted that she did remember that a little. Dad said that he didn't even know what we were talking about.
So, we scheduled another tour with the saint of a woman who was willing to take a chunk out of her Sunday afternoon to give the tour again. She even arranged with a current resident to show us a unit of the type we would like to get for them--with a larger bedroom, so dad can do his "job" of looking through old bills and bank statements he has kept over the years.
The facility is very nice and the staff is pleasant and accommodating. Mom and dad are guaranteed the ability to be placed in assisted living there but will have to demonstrate the ability to pay for care for a period of time in order to be placed in the type of unit we want for them. They, of course, can't fill out the application, which is fairly complex. So, we are working on that now.
Oh. When dad saw the brace on my wrist, he asked what I did to my arm, for about the twentieth time. I know that some day he won't even be able to form coherent sentences so I'll take that as a plus.
When the doctors diagnosed dementia in both mom and dad, the rest of us began to push mom and dad into a commitment to move into the assisted living portion of the facility where they reside.
Prior to that, we kids had already toured it and were pleased with what we saw. And, on the day I broke my wrist, everyone but me went on a tour of the facility with mom and dad present. Word is that they loved it too.
So, after the diagnosis, we told mom and dad that the time had come for them to become serious about the move and they asked if they could at least see it first.
Harrumph.
We asked if they remembered going through it only a few weeks earlier and mom admitted that she did remember that a little. Dad said that he didn't even know what we were talking about.
So, we scheduled another tour with the saint of a woman who was willing to take a chunk out of her Sunday afternoon to give the tour again. She even arranged with a current resident to show us a unit of the type we would like to get for them--with a larger bedroom, so dad can do his "job" of looking through old bills and bank statements he has kept over the years.
The facility is very nice and the staff is pleasant and accommodating. Mom and dad are guaranteed the ability to be placed in assisted living there but will have to demonstrate the ability to pay for care for a period of time in order to be placed in the type of unit we want for them. They, of course, can't fill out the application, which is fairly complex. So, we are working on that now.
Oh. When dad saw the brace on my wrist, he asked what I did to my arm, for about the twentieth time. I know that some day he won't even be able to form coherent sentences so I'll take that as a plus.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Watching "The Alzheimer's Project"
THE ALZHEIMER'S PROJECT was a documentary series produced by HBO. It aired in 2009. Evie came across it in the library recently on DVD. So far, we've watched the first disc.
It's powerful.
The first episode shows people in each of the seven stages of the disease. We saw a woman very much like my mom. And, a man just a few micro steps further into the disease than my dad. The episode shows the death of a man at the end of the disease.
Another shows children dealing with Alzheimer's in their grandparents.
Another deals with caregivers.
I've already shed a bucket of tears but the experience has been good.
It's powerful.
The first episode shows people in each of the seven stages of the disease. We saw a woman very much like my mom. And, a man just a few micro steps further into the disease than my dad. The episode shows the death of a man at the end of the disease.
Another shows children dealing with Alzheimer's in their grandparents.
Another deals with caregivers.
I've already shed a bucket of tears but the experience has been good.
Monday, March 14, 2016
Now I am the Bad Guy
The medical practice that is caring for my parents' dementia doesn't classify people according to the classic seven stages, they use three categories: Early, middle and late. They put mom in the early category and dad in the middle.
Middle would correspond to stages 4 and 5 and I'd put dad in stage 5, probably closer to six than four. He still can form cogent thoughts, even if those thoughts are disconnected from reality. So...
...we had the family meeting I have described. In the meeting, mom was sold on the idea that they have to move out of their apartment into assisted living. In a comment that seems to identify where dad's mind really is, he said last week that they have everything they need in their apartment. In his best days, he didn't handle change well.
Well, mom has begun to prepare for the move and was cleaning out a closet yesterday and dad was beside himself.
He, of course, doesn't remember meeting with the doctors and seems to have only a fuzzy memory of the family meeting.
We talked to him yesterday and he said that he didn't understand what mom was doing in cleaning out the closet but he didn't like it.
And, he is going to do three things about it:
1. Call the newspaper,
2. Call the Veterans Administration, and
3. Call my brother to put things back in the closet.
What that means in context is that he sees my brother as the good cop and me as the bad cop.
Actually, I think my brother is more of a hard case in pushing for the move to assisted living than I am. But, that's where we are for the moment.
Middle would correspond to stages 4 and 5 and I'd put dad in stage 5, probably closer to six than four. He still can form cogent thoughts, even if those thoughts are disconnected from reality. So...
...we had the family meeting I have described. In the meeting, mom was sold on the idea that they have to move out of their apartment into assisted living. In a comment that seems to identify where dad's mind really is, he said last week that they have everything they need in their apartment. In his best days, he didn't handle change well.
Well, mom has begun to prepare for the move and was cleaning out a closet yesterday and dad was beside himself.
He, of course, doesn't remember meeting with the doctors and seems to have only a fuzzy memory of the family meeting.
We talked to him yesterday and he said that he didn't understand what mom was doing in cleaning out the closet but he didn't like it.
And, he is going to do three things about it:
1. Call the newspaper,
2. Call the Veterans Administration, and
3. Call my brother to put things back in the closet.
What that means in context is that he sees my brother as the good cop and me as the bad cop.
Actually, I think my brother is more of a hard case in pushing for the move to assisted living than I am. But, that's where we are for the moment.
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