A Family Meeting

The family got together two nights ago, for the first time since we met with the physicians to receive their findings and recommendations.


Family meetings happen fairly often. We get together any time mom and dad ask us to. There have been times they have called and then forgot what they wanted to talk about by the time we arrived. But, this meeting was one in which we all agreed there was a need to chat.


We met to review the information the doctors gave us and to discuss what we were going to do to implement the recommendations.


I actually read the handouts we received, translating the doctor-speak into a form of the English language that mom, at least, could understand.


I was very careful to read slowly and to pause over the part that says that mom has Alzheimer's. I thought she needed to appreciate the reality. She did receive the information and then asked what it means to have Alzheimer's. We did our best to explain.


She is in the early stage of the disease and should be able to appreciate the magnitude of the situation but she reacted as if she was being told that she has the flu.


The doctors are recommending that they have more in home care until they can be placed in assisted living but mom is fiercely independent. She sees the home aid worker visits as a violation of her independence.


She doesn't always keep dad and herself on track with their medications but doesn't remember that problem as soon as it is resolved. This is potentially dangerous, of course.


We don't want to impose increased home aid on them but we also want mom and dad to be safe.


For the moment, we have compromised by increasing the visits from two to three each week. For me, this is an uncomfortable compromise.


We do what we can to give them a life they want to live while also imposing reality on their situation. This is walking a tight rope.